Vacation.

I will be going on vacation for the next 13-14 days, so I can not say how often I will be able to write and post new reviews and articles. I will be having some people guest review during this time, as well as try to write as often as I am able.
Updates will continue as regular after I return though.

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The House Of The Devil (2009)


Let’s just jump right in this time.

The House Of The Devil is a 2009 film, that really feels like it was made in the early 80s, which is interesting to see a modern film with that nostalgic feeling to it. It’s the simple story of Samantha who takes a baby sitting job from some weirdos in the middle of nowhere, on the night of a solar eclipse. The film starts out by telling us how 70% of Americans in the 70s believed in the existence of satanic cults, so that should give you an idea where the film goes from there.

I can’t tell you too much of the story, because it’s mostly a movie about mood, with the real  horror going down in the last twenty minutes or so. I can say that the sound design in this movie is awesome, and if you can, I suggest watching it with surround sound. The acting is also very well done, though for the most part you’ll be watching just Sam. But that’s ok, she’s cute as hell ,and can act.

The special effects are really well done, and there’s no cgi. Like I said, it’s got that 80s feel, so it’s all practical effects, which makes what gore the movie has stand miles above some of the other films released in 2009.

Directer Ti West wrote, edited, and directed this one, and you can tell a lot of love went into it. It’s a solid movie all around, and a great watch. Two thumbs up.

Score – 85%
Gore – 7/10

Trackman (2007)


This review is going to be a little unfair. I sat down in bed, where I have a tv and dvd player set up, but no remote for either, so I can only hit play, can’t go through set up, etc. I didn’t know this was a Russian movie, I thought it was just your typical low budget american slasher. If I had known I would of saved it so I could of watched it in the original language, but in this case, I watched the dub.

The story in Trackman is simple. Bank heist goes wrong, take hostages, and proceed into an abandoned subway system. People tell a story about a murdering freak, effected by the Chernobyl incident, who kills anyone that comes down. This is the only back story we get for our killer, a man who slowly picks them off, and removes the eyes.

The characters in this, or at least in the dub, are so annoying, you just can’t wait to see them get killed. Until you do see them killed, then your just left wondering, was that it? The deaths in the movie are clearly done on a low low budget, and are over before they even started.

The first part of the movie, the robbery, seems to be where most of the budget went, it looks good, the location is huge, nicely lit, and there’s some cool gun action for a minute. After that though, when we get into the subway system, all of the locations look the same, there’s a mist that doesn’t go away, and just helps to disguise the re-used locations. The lighting in the subway too seems to change from shot to shot, even if it’s the same scene.

In the end it comes down to one of the criminals, and one of the hostages, and the criminal keeps going back and risking his life to save her. This seemed very out of character as they originally were just going to kill the hostages when they no longer needed them, so why risk your life for one? Also, the killer seems to change his motives, going from killing people without any remorse, to tying one up as a hostage in his lair, just so he could be saved later.

The very last scene of the movie, and while you might call this a spoiler it doesn’t make enough sense to be, shows that the killer was ease dropping on the criminals while they made there plan for the robbery. Why does it make no sense? Well simply, if he was up there ease dropping on them, and that’s how he knew they’d be down there, then how is it he had a whole set up down in the subway system for removing eyes, etc. It just didn’t seem to fit.

I wanted to like this one, I was willing to look past the terrible dub ( they tried to match it to the peoples mouths, so sentences just seem to stop half way), and the re-used sets, but in the end it just fell flat. The characters motivations don’t make sense, and shit just seems to happen, with no idea why, or how. I’d avoid this one, unless you really want to see what low budget Russian horror is like.

Score – 15%
Gore – 4/10

Horror In History : 1981


 Once again I’m back and at it with a new series of articles I’ve been working on. This time around I’d like to welcome you to Horror In History, a look back at well.. Horror In History, bet you didn’t see that one coming. It will showcase horror from different years, the progression of sub-genres through the years, and sometimes just awesome memorabilia from history.

To start, I’d like to take a look at 1981, or as I like to call it, the year horror hit a home run. We got so many good movies in ’81 so why not take a second to take a look at a few of them?

First off we got Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead, which while starting production in ’79, wasn’t released until ’81. Everyone knows Evil Dead, and love it, or hate it ( but really, who hates it?) it left a huge impact on horror cinema, either that or Bruce’s chin did.

John Landis can be seen on just about any documentary you watch on horror, and the only real horror movie he did ( besides the crime horror Innocent Blood) was this bad boy right here. One of the greatest werewolf movies, with a fantastic transformation scene by the legend Rick Baker.


The Burning brought us more of the camp slasher goodness we got from Friday The 13th, and the birth of the slasher legend Cropsy. With some great kills, and gory special effects this one landed it’s self on the Video Nasties list pretty quick. It’s also notable for being the first role of Jason Alexander of Seinfield fame.

 Tobe Hooper is best known for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist, but before his career took the downward spiral of late, he had quite a few other fun titles under his belt. The Funhouse was one of them. About a man in a Frankenstein costume who prematurely ejaculates who murders a prostitute that wouldn’t give him his money back, and goes after the kids who witnessed it.

Part 2 deserves a place in the Horror History Hall Of Fame for being the first time we get to see Jason, who at this point only wore a sack over his head (based on a serial killer in texas’). Nuff’ said!

Halloween II might just be the best sequel ever made. Taking place slightly before the first one even ended, we get to see how the rest of the night unfolds after the events of the first film. I personally think this is fantastic, I’m that guy that wonders “Now what’s going to happen” after the credits of a movie rolls.

 My Bloody Valentine is an amazing movie, with great special effects that didn’t fully see the light of day until the uncut dvd release. Jumping right into the slasher craze, and grabbing a holiday early on, it’s one of the few that holds up great. With a great climax, and a unsettling atmosphere.

Other notable films :
 




Orphan (2009)


After watching Orphan you’ll think twice before adopting a 33 year old dwarf psychopath. Oh snap, did I just spoil the twist in the first sentence? You bet your candy ass I did, and I’m not even going to apologize. This movie is pure crap. Don’t believe me? Well you will before then end.

The story follows Kate and John Coleman and their family, a daughter named Max, and a son named Daniel. Max is deaf, so get use to sign language. Kate lost a baby while it was still in her ( Grace anyone?), and became an alcoholic to deal with it. She was passed out drunk one night when Max almost drowned in the lake. Remember this, because it comes back in the ending.

So, the Coleman’s decide to adopt, and who better to bring home than Esther, the only child actress who’s accent is more annoying then her dialog. Esther’s a weird one, she likes to wear only dresses, and wears ribbons on her neck and wrists. If you try to take off her ribbon’s you get treated with some really crappy camera effects, and yelling that lasts just long enough for you to fracture your skull off the nearest wall.

Esther gets more and more evil as the story goes on. Pushing a girl off a slide and breaking her leg, killing a nun, attempting to murder the other Coleman children. What’s wrong with her that she can’t just get along with everyone? Simple, she’s not a child, she’s a 33 year old dwarf who escaped from a mental hospital to an orphanage in America. She acts like a child, tries to seduce the  man of the house, and if that fails, Kills them all.

Well, it fails, but not before some really fucking creepy scenes that leave you feeling this movie’s climax might be child porn. Not fucking cool. But Esther get’s turned down, so she does the only thing that makes sense. Take off her clothes, unwrap them titties, trash her room, and stab the father to death. Sucks dude, but maybe next time you won’t be the only family member to take the dwarf’s side.

The movie climaxes in a battle between mother and dwarf, with the deaf girl caught up in the middle of course. Where’s the climax take place? The lake that Max nearly drowned in of course, but this time Esther’s left to drown after a nice boot to the side of the head. There is an alternate ending that comes on the dvd. It’s so bad it’s laughable.

The acting in this one is crap. None of the characters come off as believable, and when the parents try to cry, it hurts to watch. What special effects there are alright, the boot to Esthers head in the end being the highlight.

The movie makes use of false scares to often, I kept a notebook with me just to keep track of them, I lost count half way in. The movie suffers most from it’s length, coming in at two hours. Two fucking hours and nothing exciting or interesting really happens. I don’t want to blame the director for the movie either , as he brought us House Of Wax, and Liam Neeson’s Unknown. I will however point the finger towards the writer, who’s other works include Red Riding Hood, and the upcoming Clash Of The Titans II.

Avoid this movie, there are plenty of other Evil Children movies that are worth your time, this one falls short on everything.

Score – 15%
Gore – 4/10

When remakes go unnoticed.

We all know about remakes. They take movies we love, make a re-telling, or a modern day version, etc. If there’s anything that can make a horror fan upset, it’s a bad remake, hell, sometimes it’s just hearing that there will be a remake. But what about when you didn’t know a film was remade and it slips through the cracks? What about when you didn’t even realize the movie you watched was a remake? Do we judge them differently the less we hear about them?

I’ve picked out four remakes that didn’t get the attention most remakes get, and I want to know, does the lack of conversation about them change the way you feel?

 Piranha.

Right now everyone is saying ” hold on a second, we all seen the Piranha remake”, and while this is true, I have to ask, did you know that Piranha 3D was the second time it was remade? This remake produced by Roger Corman in 1995 is nearly identical to the original, they just took out the humor. In fact, it is so identical, instead of shooting new special effects, they rehashed the old ones.

It’s Alive.

Not many people I know have seen Larry Cohen’s 1974 killer baby film, It’s Alive. Even less people I know have heard about the 2008 remake. The story is pretty much the same, killer baby, committing murders, etc. The only real big change is the fact the mother defends the baby in the end, instead of the father. When asked about it Larry Cohen told fans of the original, ” anyone who likes my film should cross the street and avoid seeing the new”.


Thirteen Ghosts

Thirteen Ghosts is a remake of the 1960 film, 13 Ghosts directed by  William Castle. Coming out two years after another of Castle’s film remakes ( House On Haunted Hill), this one quite a bit better. The story goes in different directions, but you’d be hard pressed to see any of Castle’s films remade with the same story. A lot bloodier and just as much fun as the original,  it seems to go under the remake radar.

Day Of The Dead

Normally when we think Day Of The Dead, we think Romero, we think shambling undead, and political undertones. This time we have fast zombies, and action heroes. There’s none of the undertones that made Romero a legend, and there’s none of the great special effects and tension that made the Dawn Of The Dead remake in 2004 so enjoyable.

Night Of The Demons (2009)


Night of the demons is a remake. Everyone should know that, but I think it’s always good to get that out in the open first. Some people will have stopped reading after that sentence, while others will read on with their minds already made. Remakes get a lot of hate in the horror community, and understandable so. I mean if you take and make a new version of a character I love, I’m going to hold the new one to higher standards.  That said, I think I’m a bigger fan of this remake, then the original.

The story is simple, huge party being thrown at a house that people went missing in years and years ago, for the Halloween season. The party is busted by the cops, but a handful of guests get stuck in the house. One by one they are killed or possessed by demons. We’ve heard  it all before, so what makes this one better then others?

Sex, blood, and more sex. The demons in this one spread through sexual acts, such as kissing, and demon anal. They also spread through death, rip some one’s face and tits off? Don’t worry, they’ll be back up in a few minutes. There is a lot of sexual fun in this one, that works every time I view it, where Trailer Park Of Terror it feels forced and just gets annoying on further viewings.

The special effects are quite well done. There’s some shaky camera work, so some of the special effects and action is a little hard to follow, and I’ve never been a fan of that, but it isn’t too bad in this one. The writing is quite good, which is a surprise, since it shares writer/director of Autopsy, which was quite weak in the writing department. Adam Gierasch has been writing horror movies since 2000, most are hit and miss, miss in my opinion, but this one comes across as well written, and fun.

A lot has changed from the original, but it makes sense when you think of how 80s those movies are. This one feels like a modern re-telling, and works well as one. I connect easier to this one then the older, but that’s in no way something to hold against the original. Watch them both!

Score – 80%
Gore – 8/10