Masters Of Horror “Sounds Like”

Up until now, my favorite Masters Of Horror episode has been Homecoming, a comedic zombie episode about soldiers from Iraq coming back, not not anymore.

Sounds Like is the story of Larry, who spends his days working management at a call center, and his nights at home with his wife, who just wants to have a second child after the loss of their first, due to medical complications. Larry has a little problem, he hears too well. Far to well. The smallest noises, like the tapping of a finger, or the sound of a drop of water, is so loud to him, that it over powers all thought, he just focuses on the noise, and the pain that it gives him. Poor old Larry will do anything, anything at all, just to make it stop.

I can’t even begin to explain how much I loved this episode, from start to finish, it goes it strong, and leaves even stronger. Brad Anderson was behind the directors chair for this one, who brought us Session 9, and The Machinist, as well as quite a few  episodes of the tv show Fringe, and does a great job here, as he did there. This is the only movie I’ve seen that I can say caused me physical pain, and while that may sound like a bad thing, here it helped me to identify with what Larry is going through. Every sound is delivered either high pitched, like nails on a chalk board, or with deep bass, enough to rattle your skull.

Now, I’m going to get into some spoilers here, so I suggest skipping this paragraph if you haven’t seen Sounds Like yet. It’s my theory, which may be wrong, that Larry is just a person with mental illness, cause over hearing his sons irregular heartbeat, too late to save him, and racked with guilt, I think that the sounds are coming through to him magnified as his way of coping with the guilt. There’s evidence to prove my theory right, but there’s also evidence to prove it wrong, and I think it was meant to be that way, to leave you wondering.

As far as gore goes, this one is rather tame, and I think it works for it’s benefit.  There is a couple of scenes in the last half which are gruesome, and well done, but nothing compared to other entries we’ve seen in the Masters Of Horror series.

I highly recommend Sounds Like, it’s one of those one’s I’m going to be lending to everyone I know, and recommending to people for years to come.

Score – 95%
Gore – 3/10


Masters Of Horror “The V Word”

I have a strong love/hate relationship with vampires. They can be done right, such as in Urban Gothic’s “Vampirology“, or they can be wrong, like Twilight. Then there’s everything in between, with elements that are great, but flaws scattered throughout. The V Word falls into this category.

Starting out by showing Doom 3 being played, I had a feeling I would like this one. The story follows teenagers Kerry and Justin, two horror loving, FPS playing guys alone for the weekend. After getting pissed off because of a call from his dad Justin decides they should go see the body of the high school bully who  died in a car accident. So like any normal high school kids, they decide to break into the funeral home, and take a look around. Justin’s cousin works there, so it should be all good, expect that his cousin is no where to be found.

The door to the funeral slams shut behind them, locking them in, so they decide to try to find the cousin, and venture further into the house of the dead. This leads to some rather creepy scenes of dead bodies, and blood everywhere. Upon finding his cousin dead, and a rather odd looking Micheal Ironside playing a vampire, a series of events is set in place that will change the young boys life’s forever.

Around the half way point, The V Word heads off in a direction I didn’t see coming. That being said, after the change in direction, the rest of the film is rather predictable, much in the same vein of Near Dark. It follows a tried and true formula, which fans of vampire cinema will either appreciate, or hate.

I found the gore in this one to be a nice change of pace from the usally vampire film. Instead of just biting the neck, and leaving a couple holes, the vampires in this one feed by tearing the throat completely out, drinking the blood like it was a shaken up soda. This leads to one of the funnest scenes I’ve seen of a recently changed vamp taking a drink of water, only to have it pour out through the hole.

Ernest Dickerson was behind the directors chair this time around, you may know him as the man behind the Snoop Dogg horror in the hood film, Bones, and the Tales From The Crypt Demon Knight film. Personally out of all his entries in the horror world, The V Word shows off his talents best.

The only real downside to the movie is the stupidity of the characters, from the kids, to the cops. For a couple of teens who love horror, you’d think they’d be able to tell a vampire when they see one feed. I also learned a valuable lesson from this, 911 operators are assholes who think everything is just a prank call.

I highly recommend The V Word, it’s not as good as Family, or Homecoming, but makes for a solid entry in The Masters Of Horror series.

Score – 85%
Gore – 8/10

Left On The Cutting Room Floor : 2001 Maniacs Field Of Screams

2001 Maniacs was the 2005 remake to the 1964 Herschell Gordon Lewis film Two Thousand Maniacs,and for my money, was pretty good. Then in 2010 we got this piece of shit. Which is only watchable if you view the unrated version. So let’s just jump right in at take a look at what the unrated version has to offer.

Five minutes in we have an extra four seconds of Major Buckman viewing the impaled sheriff.

Jump forward ten minutes, and we’re treated with an extended scene of cunnilingus.

At the half hour mark we get a couple extra seconds of one of the films best scenes, razor blade to the good stuff.

Less than a minute after that is done, we get treated to six seconds of boobage, I decided to take the moral high ground and let you figure out what it looks like. I’m sure you’ll do fine.

Jump forward ten minutes and we get seven seconds of extended sex. See a pattern here?

Two minutes go by, and we get to see some eye popping gooey goodness, and a twitching arm in the electric chair. As well as Bill Mosley showing how much of a dick he can be.

An added scene of Rufus pushing Falcon’s skeleton out of his body. To this day scientists still can not figure out how he did it. Followed by an extra six seconds, and two bites of his heart.

In one of the best scenes to be added in the unrated version we get treated to down south buffet, that lasts just over ninety seconds.

To finish the movie off, we get treated to an extended birth scene, with almost a minute of added pushing and pulling. For reasons I’m sure belong in a Sasha Grey video, Granny gives birth to corn before her child.

While the movie is in no way really worth your time, some of the bizarre events they decided to included will forever be burned into your psyche. With a total of about 3 minutes and 3 seconds added to it, none of it will give you back the hour in a half of your time wasted, but at least they added tits.

Masters Of Horror – Family (2006)

 The Masters Of Horror series is best explained as a modern day Tales From The Crypt, and just like Tales, the episodes are either hit or miss. Episodes like ” The Damned Thing” are unbearably hard to watch, and others, such as Family, border on genius.

  Harold is your average bachelor getting up there in years, cooking, cleaning, and murder people for their skeletons. Just like grandpa, Harold hears voices and think people are saying completely different  things to him when they speak, asking him to make them a part of his Family, and to save them. Saving them implies an acid bath, and some assembly required.

  When the new couple in town, Ceila and David, drunkenly drive their car into his mailbox, they come over to apologize, and quickly are welcomed as friends. As they grow together in friendship, so does Harold’s delusional sexually obsession with Ceila, until it climaxes at the end. See what I did there?

   From the start I was sure I knew how the episode was going to end, but the last quarter really had me second guessing myself, and for that I’m glad. It still went the way I thought it was going to, but I wasn’t expecting it when it got to it.

 This one is directed by John Landis, of American Werewolf In London, and is handled perfectly. Some really tight editing in some of the gory parts, really makes for a fun watch. The acid bath scenes are quite gruesome, but still hold quite a bit of campy charm, which helps make the whole experience a fun, yet morbid time.

Score – 85%
Gore  – 7/10