Jennifer’s Body (2009)

Jennifer’s Body is one of those movies the internet loves to hate, along beside My Soul To Take, and 28 Weeks Later. I remembered seeing it when it first came out, but for the life of me, couldn’t remember a single thing about it. Turns out there was a good reason for it, my mind, in a frantic attempt to help preserve what little sanity I had left, blocked it out.

Let’s make this quick. Jennifer and Needy are best friends, Jennifer’s a bitch, Needy’s a cute little nerd. Jennifer talks Needy into going to see a band play at a shitty dump of a bar, where she tells the band playing, that Jennifer is a virgin, even though it is a lie. The bar burns down, the band takes Jennifer with them, to sacrifice for fame. Because Jennifer wasn’t a virgin, the sacrifice goes off without a hitch, but a evil spirit takes over Jennifer’s body, turning her into a succubus, a creature that must feed on human flesh to survive, and it’s up to Needy to stop her.

Simple enough right? Starring Megan Fox as Jennifer your thinking, ” Hey, can’t be that bad, I’ll just turn my brain off for a bit, enjoy the sexually that’s injected into the movie, and have a good time”. Wrong. Jennifer’s Body suffers some of the worse writing I have seen in a horror film in a long time, with lines such as ” You give me a wetty”, it’s hard to look passed. Written by Diablo Cody, which makes me mourn for the future of The Evil Dead, and directed by Karyn Kusama, the director of Aeon Flux, this piece of shit is sure to leave a scar on your psyche no amount of midget porn will correct.

The gore is there thankfully, with some rather nice bloody vomit effects, and some great disembowel corpses, the only problem is it’s too far in between, and that leaves plenty of room for shitty dialog, and piss poor acting.

If in all my time writing, I can pass one thing on to the Bidites, it’s stay the fuck away from Jennifer’s Body, even if it does have Megan Fox wearing an Evil Dead shirt.

Score – F.

Gore – 7/10


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